I'm still sorting through why this may be the case. We go through seasons of ups and downs, as any family does. Our ups and downs depend largely on how busy our season of life is, and, of course, on our moods. Again, this is just like any family. Ours is just a little complicated by some of our kids' pasts and the coping mechanisms that have arisen from these. Heck, it is complicated by my own coping mechanisms, or lack thereof.
I think I might have hit my tipping point with how little self-care I can get away with. I stopped working out consistently in 2010, when Ellie came home. I don't have much alone time, and as a certified introvert, I really need quiet in order to center myself. I don't see my friends much, or even talk to John very often about matters other than household management. I haven't even had the time, or made the time, for God lately. I don't say this because I feel sorry for myself, I am simply trying to explain (to myself, mostly) why I might feel off.
The kids have been fighting a lot. A lot more than usual. I loathe conflict -- I usually avoid it by all means possible. But, I have been forced to be in the midst of it lately. And, its draining me. One of my kids has the need to control, and another has a fear of others controlling him. You can imagine how this works out. My kids are not the meek sort, and we have lots of emotions flying around all day long.
The mornings seem to be the worst. As soon as we can get into our routine, things go a bit better. I have decided to write about consistency for the next 31 days partly to remind myself how important it is. I tend to see routines as boring, but really they allow for us to be so much more efficient with our time and therefore more free. When I have a routine in place, I don't have to think through every step and my mind is less cluttered. And, as we always hear, routines make kids feel more secure and therefore less tension erupts.
Our day today started with "morning routine," which is what we do every day after breakfast: get dressed, put clothes in the hamper, brush teeth, make bed and tidy room. But let me back up. This is what we should do. It doesn't always work out this way. Often it is a big source of tension.
Today, Nicholas did a superb job and I snapped a picture to show off to Daddy.