Day 17: Not So Consistent

So, I kind of fell of the wagon.  Some days, like most people I know, I run from morning to night without much time to do much else than, well, run.  I don't like it this way, and I want to have more margin in my life.  But, I'm not quite sure how to do that.  The kids really do not do too many activities, and I am not involved in a million committees and clubs.  I guess it is just really time-consuming to homeschool and parent 6 kids.  Maybe I just have to accept that fact.

I did make time to do a couple of things I have been wanting to do.  I did work out twice (hoping for one more time tomorrow).  So, I am staying consistent with three times per week.  And, I went to see an elderly woman who used to live down the street from us, who now lives in a nursing home.  I have been meaning to see her for so long, but because the home is 30 minutes from us, I have put it off.  I am so glad I went to go see her, though.  She seemed to be happy to have someone to talk to.  I want to remember that my call, the one that speaks most loudly to me when I pray, is to take care of not only the orphan but the widow (James 1:27).  My life has to be centered around this if I want to take part in the greater meaning of my life.

Day 13: Consistent Friends

Well, today is Columbus Day, so of course we had to celebrate with Panini's.  (They're Italian, right?)

We had a really fun day with our good friends, Kim and Chris and their girls.  Kim and Chris are friends with whom we punctuate the year.  It wouldn't be The Fourth of July without them.  Or Thanksgiving (we celebrate a "first Thanksgiving" sometime in November with them before getting together with our families).  And we have spent many a New Years Eve, vacation, and birthday party with them.  Consistent friends.

Our kids love each other.  In fact, we have arranged a marriage between two of them, but I'm not naming names. 

Our times together seem to always involve food and silliness.  Above that, anything goes.

(Here, Chris attacks Elijah with Christopher's baby doll.  I think he's having fun.  Just a little.)

And here Kim dresses Olivia in paper packaging from a delivery we received earlier this week.  

I don't think we ever decided what she was.  A paper princess?  A monster?

Whatever.  She was happy.

Chrissy is Little Brown Riding Hood.

And his baby has a blanket.

What would we do without such good friends in our life?  Friends who are, in so many ways, more like family. 

Feeling very blessed this weekend.

Day 12: Consistent Family

We have had a wonderful time with my aunt Margaret, who is visiting us from England.  I can't tell you how excited the kids always get when her birthday cards arrive with English stamps attached to the envelopes.  And, now that she is here in person, they have not been disappointed.

She just jumps into our everyday life, and the kids had so much fun.

Even though it was a rainy day, the kids were playing outside, pretending they were real estate agents, I think.  Here is Margaret looking at properties with them.  

What a good sport.

Here, Olivia describes the view from the penthouse she is selling.  Margaret (and her baby) is really paying attention.

Dinners in our house can be loud and chaotic (I'm sure you're surprised to hear that), but Margaret seemed not to mind at all.  Either she is a very good actress or she just fits in well around here.  Oh, how we wish we lived closer to one another.

But, we are determined to visit Margaret in England soon.  We have talked about our wish to make three big trips with the kids before they leave home:  one is China (as a whole family, to see the sights that we always miss on adoption trips), one is Greece, and one is England.  These three countries represent our family's histories and backgrounds, and there are so many special people who lives in these places, obviously including Margaret.

When we were hoping to adopt Elijah for all those many years, Margaret was one of my biggest supporters.  She prayed for us continually, and always asked us how the process was going.  It was so important to me to have her constant support and blessing. When things are hard, and when world tells you that you are crazy to want another child, there is nothing better than someone who believes in your dream, too.

Things were not always perfect (in terms of the children's behavior) while she was visiting, but she understanding and non-judgmental of the kids' fighting and bad moods, etc.  I didn't have to explain dysregulation or the kids' pasts and triggers and all of the things that can complicate things around here; Margaret just got it.  And she has always been like that: so intuitive and compassionate and smart.

Margaret used to be an elementary school teacher, and it is so evident in the way she plays with the kids (like here, up in the play set!) and down on the floor.  

I am so blessed to have her in my life.

Day 11: Margaret (and a parcel) arrives

One of my very favorite people in the whole world is here visiting:  my aunt Margaret.  She is so special to me.  We are so blessed to have her staying with us.  She visited three years ago, so Olivia, Nicholas, and Peter remember her very well. They were so excited as they waited for her to arrive.

She is so fun, and has a way with children.  She brought a special parcel with her, and invited all the kids to sit on the floor and unwrap it carefully with her

. 

All together, they unwrapped it layer by layer.

Oh, the anticipation!

They found envelopes with their names on them, and there was candy inside!

And, finally, in the middle - something special:

A toy pig (somehow, I didn't get a photo of our new friend).  He is very cute and very loud, so fits in around here.

The children will never forget this experience and their great aunt's visit.

More fun tomorrow...

Day 10: Consistently Messy

All I could think about today is how we are not very consistent at all, and that it is very ironic that I am writing a series about consistency.

Our days are constantly changing.  And, you know what?  I like it like that.  That is part of the reason we homeschool.  For the freedom.

But, it is ironic, nonetheless.  Because consistency is so nice.  For all the reasons I have stated so many times before.

I kept thinking that we must be consistent in some way.  We all are.  Isn't that the stuff culture is made of?  And, then it occurred to me.  We are consistently messy.  

That is part of our family culture.  

I might as well embrace it.

This is what my house looks like.  And this is is good day.

The playroom:

The kitchen ( after we cleaned up after dinner, mind you):

My desk:

The dining room:

I could go on and on. But the kids are sleeping and I can't go into their rooms without waking them.  Their rooms are really bad, guys.  Really bad.  Not growing fungus or anything, just messy. Full of clutter, junk, stuff.

Part of it is just having a large family.  Part of it is tht I have inherited my parents' post world war 2 mentality of hanging onto everything because " you never know when you might need it."  Part of it is living in a consumerist culture that has never before made so much so available so cheaply. 

Whatever the reason, it is in my living room.  It stresses me out but I don't know how to handle it. 

The curse of excess.  So first-world-problemo, I know.

Day 9: Consistent Therapy

We see lots of therapists in this house:  speech, occupational, and physical.  Speech therapy was a given with Nicholas and Ellie, because they were born with cleft lips and palates.  But it turned out Peter needed speech therapy, too.  As did Olivia, and now Christopher.  Elijah is the only one out of the loop (at the moment anyway!)

It is funny that Christopher is getting so much speech therapy now because when we were deciding what special needs we were open to in his adoption, I said, somewhat jokingly "I am kind of sick of all this speech therapy.  Let's look into limb difference instead of cleft lip and palate, and I can learn about OT and PT this time."

Christopher, although he is missing some fingers and toes, does not have at much trouble with his fine and gross motor skills.   He was assigned an Occupational Therapist through our state's Early Intervention program.  I am guessing that he was given an OT mostly because his ectrodactyly stands out, not really because of an honest assessment of his skills.  However, OT is helpful for his motor planning and sensory issues, which are very minor but I want to give him all he can get while he is young.  Here he is with Ms. Julie, his beloved OT:

I have also mentioned before that he does hippotherapy.  He works with an OT on horseback and he loves it.  Again, he does not have many fine or gross motor issues, but he works on motor planning and sensory stuff.

 I think we mostly do this because he likes it and I am so eager to give him all of the experiences he can to make up for such sensory deprivation as a baby.

His biggest issue is speech.  He is pretty delayed, probably due to neglect in his early months, but he is so motivated and is doing so well.

I am so proud of him.

He loves his speech therapist, Ms. Suzy, and he loves his twice weekly sessions with her.

Look at what he can do!

Day 8: Upside Down

A blog post I read today turned my thinking upside down. 

Please read it here.

It is about emotional attachment in adoptive parenting and how we feel pressure to sacrifice all on the alter of "secure attachment" in our children.

Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves as mothers.  Although my kids are attached pretty well (or on their way), I worry a lot about how much I can "reverse," for lack of a better word, the ill-effects of their institutional care as babies. Their battle scars are evident.

But all I can do is what I know to do now.  I am trying my best and perhaps that is good enough.  I love them, I take care of their needs, I encourage them, and teach them. Perhaps I am not meant to do more.  Perhaps I cannot change their minds and their hearts. Perhaps that is God's work and not my own.  

Surrender.  The older I get the more I see life is not about striving but about surrender. Soli deo gloria.