Friday, January 17, 2014
Technology and Attachment
I have not been blogging very often not because things are hard and chaotic (although they can be, at times) but because technology has become an issue in our household lately.
As I have mentioned, Elijah is really into 'screen time,' be it TV or handheld devices, or computers.
And, I know, this is not a huge issues. We are blessed that we are not dealing with some big adjustment problems. Elijah, on the whole, is loving, sweet, funny, and kind. He has attached so well to me, and is warming up to John slowly. He gets along well with his new brothers and sisters.
But he is obsessed. More so than the average kid. Much more than my other kids, at least.
And, when he plays, he zones out. It doesn't seem to matter what is on the screen, as long as he has something to stare at.
And when I take it away, or limit it in any way, he is furious.
And when he sees me on the computer or iPhone, he is furious that I have it and he doesn't. Thus, the no blogging. Its hard to find time to 'sneak in' my screen time.
I know from lots of smart adoptive parents and therapists, that technology hinders attachment. It pushes social interaction out of the picture. It is a safe escape from learning to attach to your new family.
So, I have taken all of our iPads and Leapsters and locked them in our safe. And I have unplugged the TV's.
So far, that has been awesome for our family. And when the technology is out-of-sight, I don't have to say no all day long.
We all get to play a lot.
I have noticed how much I have used screen time as a crutch for me to get stuff done.
As my babysitter.
How did I not realize I was doing this?
I mean, we have a school time rule of no tv and iPads, but somehow they sneak in for "educational" reasons...and we sped less time really living.
I can't tell you how exhausted I am from all of the interacting I have been doing! It is full on all day, every day. Running, piggy back rides, biking, playing board games, cooking, etc.
Here is Olivia and I learning to make Chinese food with our fabulous Chinese teacher, Ms. Linda.
Chris joined in on the steamed bun fun, too!
All of this no screen time has been great for the entire family. Elijah, in so many ways, is a reflection of our family. Not how we want it to be, or how we hope to be one day, but how we are right now.
He mimics us because he is trying to figure out how to fit in around here, and sometimes I don't like what I see.
But I am so grateful for this opportunity to see it, and to make changes.
Once again, adoption blesses me.
But if I don't return your texts, please understand!