Wednesday, January 23, 2013
And, so, once again I sit down with a stack of paperwork -- no, make that 2 stacks of paperwork: one from the agency that works with China and one from the agency doing our home study. I should be good at this by now, but it seems that adoption is a lot like child birth: you seem to forget the experience, and all its associated pain, once it is over with.
Over a year ago, we decided the start the adoption process for Elijah. It started as us advocating for him (i.e trying to find him a family, and trying to get China to file his paperwork). We said that we would start the adoption process for him so that if his file comes along, and no other family grabs him up, we would be able to do so. The last thing we wanted was for his file to be sent back to China. The last thing we wanted was for him to live in orphan care forever.
But, somewhere along the line, we started envisioning him as our own child. Another brother to fit nicely between Nicholas and Peter. Another brother to aggravate Olivia! We imagined kissing that sweet face.
I know, I know, this is dangerous business. He is not our son, and he might never be.
We've been waiting a year and still his file has not been listed. Why? We're not sure. Probably beaurocracy. Perhaps corruption. We don't know. All we can do is wait.
Our agency explained to us that the waiting could take years (our social worker waited 3 years in a similar situation). Further, they explained that even if he does become listed, his file will be posted on the "shared list." This is a list to which all agencies have access. Once the files are posted, agencies grab the files and whoever gets it first, gets to list the child with one of their families. So, our agency might not get Elijah's file. Another agency might very well take his file and match him with another family.
And that is okay with us.
Ok, I might cry a little (a lot) but I will be very happy for Elijah to find a family. Even if it is not ours.
So, why more paperwork right now? We are updating our home study to allow us to adopt two children. Yes, 2 children! But, it is not as exciting -- or crazy -- as it sounds. We are simply starting another adoption so that we can bring a child home while leaving our dossier in place for Elijah, should he ever become available. We decided that otherwise, we would not be able to ever move on to other options. I am dead set against using the file intended for him for another child until we have exhausted every option for him. We just can't leave the possibility of Elijah not having a home out there.
So our other option is to start an entirely new adoption for another child. And, if we start that adoption now -- this time for a child that we have not yet identified -- we actually might bring a little sweetie home in the near future.
Whether, Elijah becomes ours is yet to be seen...
Little story: we just had to ask our pediatrician for medical clearances for our children for this home study update. This is the fourth time we have asked him for such help. He looked at me, wide-eyed and asked "Can I ask why you are adopting again?"
I am so glad that I actually had a coherent answer (usually I giggle and stammer and spit out something trite). I told him the answer is twofold: one, we always wanted a large family (ok, maybe I stretched the truth a little bit: I always wanted a large family and John is slowly warming to the idea…LOL) and two, it is simply heartbreaking to see these wonderful kids in institutions. We feel a big responsibility to do something about it.
So, I better stop blogging and get back to filling out child abuse clearances and income reports. Fun fun!